As an artist you have to deal with criticism. However, for me my biggest critic is myself. I am very impatience went it comes to my art and I hate waiting for people to look at my art and tell me what they think. There is times I feel like I almost cannot breath due to the pressure of waiting to heard people tell me what they think.
I think it have gotten worst in past years for me. It have to do a lot with the many failures I have in my life. Such as getting an degree in Biological Engineering and never really working in my field. As well as having a divorce after 11 years of marriage with two children and losing my children in the process (which I have not seen my children in six years). I have this hidden pressure to be successful. I feel like I am trying to make up for the many failures I have experiences.
You may asked why I am talking about criticism. It is because I have to fight my own feeling that I may fail before I know the results of what kind of impact my art have on people. I was feeling so happy early today right before I release my latest chapter for Nocturnal Orphan. However, as the night went on and I got lost with my thoughts in my head that “Oh no, what if my art is not good?” “What if I did not do all I need to for the story?”
The only things that kept me from giving in to these thoughts is “what if I used this feeling for more content?” I thought of manga that I love very much call Skip Beat. The main character when though a lot of heartbreak and she was an actress in show biz. She used the painful feeling to remember what her face expression look like for acting. She used the hard times toward her professions.
I guess you could say I am writing this to talk myself out of allowing my feeling control my actions. I am not giving up.
You know I enjoy hanging out and talking with my older neighbors. Many of them are veterans like me. They have cool first hand stories from World War II, working on a Navy ship, when they talk about their college days, and more. Many of them have stories that they cannot say in public because they would have the military show up on their door step when they do public their story. However, I believe their is a way to tell their story in a way that it would not be giving names, detail in the story that would give them away.
The answer is telling a fantasy fiction story. You can tell many stories with fiction characters who are not human. You can change the problem in the story to something else. This is another way that fiction story can be used to help these who felt like they cannot tell their story without being stop by someone else. I would not be surprise that many people who creator manhua in China would be telling their own story in fiction stories. Manhua is the Chinese word for comic. Manhua are simply to manga which is comic in Japanese.
There are many cool manhua and manga that include worker class that tells the story from one individual that may cover fantasy, romantics, comedy, and etc. And it is not all written to kids, a good part are made for full adults who have real problems in the modem world today. The reason why I bring this as an example is because in the US we have many people who feel like they could not write, draw, or create anything cool. My point is that everyone have a story to tell and someone may love to hear your story. There is growing love for Japanese and Chinese culture in the US. I would not be surprise that many countries would like to heard individual stories from the US about US culture.
To concussion about my neighbor who have a cool story to tell, he will be talking to me for advise on how to change his story to fiction story that will not give away important detail that will get him in trouble with the military. It is not the military fault, it is just that their are jobs that are dangerous and the military does not want to scary off people from joining. We are in a society today who don’t understand that there are certain jobs in the military that key to our country safety.
I would love to heard your thought on this subject. If you have friends and family who keep talking about really cool stories they live though, encourage them to write and if they don’t want people to learn who they are. They can create a pin name and change the character to non-humans, change the environment such as outer space, or different time periods such as a the stone age.
As promise, I am doing another comparison of DuckDuckGo vs Google. This time I am looking at when you search for the word comics. Now the biggest different I found between the two search engine, is one use your location in your search and the other does not. Could you guess which one use your location? Of course you can, we are know that Google use your location for advertisement. Which can get in the way, if you are using search engine to learn about something. We all hear the phase, if you don’t know something, Google it. I guess you could say the best place to learn what a comics is by going to a comic book store. However, comic book store are usually Marvel and DC which mean, if you are not into heroes stories, than it just does not appear to you. Now there are some comic stores that have other publisher and self-publish comics, but it is best to call first before going to found out if they carry them.
DuckDuckGo does not used your location in the search for comics. Now DuckDuckGo will recommended places to buy comics but it is online . So on their first page, you have more link to other website. Google take up most of the first page for map of local comics store, alternate search topics, and topic stories about the topic of comics.
Google provide more source for comics about pop culture that is controversial. Such as one of the Top Stories is Dark Phoenix from a opinion digital news source that is very extreme left. Also, it provide more news blogs that are on the left when it comes to the political side such as the Washington Post.
If you click on a few of the links that Google found on the front page, they will take you to lots of comics that was at one point in newspapers that are call comic strips. At least four of them: Comic A-Z List GoComics, Free Comics – Comic Strips, Comics – The Washington Post, and Comics/ArcaMax Publishing. Now I don’t believe this is all Google fault for thinking that comics are all comics strips and Marvel and DC. There have been some debate in the comic industry that many who work in Marvel and DC have out right say that graphic novel is not comics. So this have rewrite in some people what comics is, because their are graphic novels that starting up popular shows such as Scooby-Doo. I have talk with people older than me ( I am 36) who are in their 40s and 50s, and back then their was no difference between what a graphic novel and comic was. They was the same thing and still is, it is just a few people in the comic industry will not recognize that is the case.
DuckDuckGo have one Ad post at the top. It have 13 links other than the Ad link. It give you more sources for you to look at on it first page. Now DuckDuckGo does have Washington Post listen twice, however, one of the post from Washington Post have describe of example of what comics title are. DuckDuckGo is playing it safer by having only links in their search, it is design different from Google. Google search engine have example of all their features on the first page. DuckDuckGo does have images and map features, you just have to click the tab on the top of the page to look at images and map.
However, I do found a few things great about DuckDuckGo. First their Ad link, Renta! Online – Manga Store, is manga which Google did not ever think was comics. Manga is the Japanese word for comics. Many people in the comics industry does not think of manga as comics;however, manga is growing more popular every day. Which means that DuckDuckGo is keeping up with the trends of comics fans. The second ad is to My Comic Shop which gives you a range of class comics such as Godzilla, The Walking Dead, DCeased (a DC comic), and Captain Marvel (a Marvel comic).
In the search with DuckDuckGo above, I look at around 5 pages under image to see how it look vision when you do the search. In the search, you get a good look at what comics have been over the years. Many of the comics that are not heroes, are pretty well know that I grew up with such as Archie, The Looney Tunes Bugs Bunny, Heathcliff, Futurama, Garfield, and more. These are great example of comics that are not subject around a hero and villain story. If you asked most youth today about these comics, but most likely they would not know they had a comic. The youth today in the US does not know that Superman, Batman, Captain Marvel, Spider-man came from a comic. When I say youth, I am talking about high school, middle school, and elem school children, the ones that comics was written in the first place for because they did not like reading without pictures.
In the gallery above is Google search in image. The first thing I notices there are a lot of memes mix in the search. Also there is a lot of comic strips as well. The search I did was the word “comics” not memes or comic strips. The second thing is most of the memes and comic strip are one side point of view from the left political party in the US. There are more political comics than anything in the search, many from left wing digital news media. The third thing is Marvel and Dc take up the spots that are not so political and Marvel and DC have political memes as well. I will say that they do have a little bit of non hero story comic in the search but you do not found any until the third page such as Archie. However, the number of non heroes stories are way less. You have to really scroll to found them and this is a problem for anyone who don’t have very good internet. Internet is becoming more expense and many families in low income housing usually depend on their government smart phone or have a low data base plan for their smart phone. My point is most people will go with the first two page in the search because if it become hard or take too long to load, people will go with what they can learn in the moment.
Now you can do the search on your own and see what you get when you search the word comics on both DuckDuckGo and Google. However, from a teacher point of view, I like DuckDuckGo better. It did put some comic strips and meme in the search but not to the point that Google did. DuckDuckGo put mostly titles of comics series in their image search.
I believe DuckDuckGo is a good alternate to Google as far as answering the question for what I am searching for. I hope that this was helpful to you and I would like love to hear your feedback on what I wrote.
You know I have been told that I am too kind for my own good. However, the reason why making comics and create art is so important to me because I had time in my life that was so rough, breathing was hard. It seem like no matter what I did, my situation was not going to get better. However, anime was my saving grace and one anime stand out above the rest. That anime was Fairy Tail, created by Hiro Mashima. Fairy Tail is story of a world full of wizard and magic. It is name Fairy Tail after a wizard guild call Fairy Tail. The story is full of challenge the members of Fairy Tail goes thought and many time they was situation when they was fighting for their lives. However, no matter how hard the situation was they never give up. Some how they would make it tho and gain strength from it. I did not have friends or family members to help me in this dark time of my life. At the same time I was persecuted due to me liking anime. I don’t think I would have gotta so interest in anime like I am now if I was accepting for what I like.
The dark part of my life that I am talking about is right after I graduated from NC A&T State Univ with a BS degree in Biological Engineering with honors. I had trouble found work in my field and I was pressure at the time by my husband who later become my ex-husband. At the time, I did not realized that I was in a deep depression. I did not realized that I was suffering from depression and anxiety until shit hit the fan. I found my self in Duke Hospital over night for suicide attempt, put in by my husband at the time. At the time I was not suicide, but I have many time before than months ago that I have thought about it when fights got so bad between my husband and me. We did not have health relationship and I had no one to talk about the problems I was facing with him. I felt so trap back than. I did have the courage back than to talk to my husband about doing karate for my kids because I was worry for my kids more than my own self. I remember I was a mess many time during karate practices and it was working to help me to deal with the many deep emotions I had bottle up.
Title: Crying Snake, media is acrylic. When you feel so different and people treat you like a monster, it looks like this. You feel trap in a world of death. However, you can made a decide to related on your strength and craw out of it.
However, I did not know at the time, my ex-husband was planning a divorce. At first he play like it was all about getting me help. He was talking with my dad and the rest of my family behind my back. He convinced them that I had schizophrenia for my mom had it. He used to court system to keep me from my children. Also, two day after I got out of the hospital, he met me in a library and had me sign separation pages. I knew what separation pages was and asked nervous, I was not a state to think logical at that time, “what are you wanting a divorce?”
He say,”No, no, no. I just think this would be for the best. You are sick and need help. This is only temporary until you get better.”
At the time I was living in hotel room with little money my ex-husband give me and force to communicate thought my sister indirectly. I was treating like I was some kind of monster. Also, being over night in the hospital was scary. I was surround by crazy people and the bathroom was gross. The doctors was asked me when you watch anime, do you see things between the lines. My answer was I enjoy anime because it express emotions more in the stories. They say they was told to say this to me by my ex-husband and dad. My dad lie to me this day and say that he never talk with the doctors when I was over night. I don’t have a relationship with my dad or other family member, that is a story for another time.
All the people I thought I could turn to during this time, abandon me for they was mutual friends thought both my ex-husband and me. They was church members of the church I went with my ex-husband who was in school to become a pastor at Duke University.
I remember the most important thing, “Don’t Give Up NO MATTER HOW HARD THINGS ARE.” I used the separation time as a way of getting my life back the way I want. I was free to think for myself. I went hiking in the many state parks of NC. I painting beautiful landscape scenery from my hiking. I got a counselor and she encourage to keep hiking and painting. My counselor had a background in child development, I learn thought her about my speech impairment. Speech impairments are a type of communication disorder where normal speech is disrupted.
Til this day, I still consider myself as a traditional artist. When I started to feel really emotions and I cannot focus on my work. I take some time to paint and have anime play in the background of my living room. This is what have work for me.
Now I am happy as I could me for my situation. It have been five years since I seen my children and I miss them greatly. However, I am moving forward toward my goals and dreams. I have not giving up. Right now I may not have a lot of followers on social media but I have a roof over my head, food, and water. I have the things to live and have fun. So I am not living a bored life which is great.
This last Christmas, I got to hang out with friends for the first time since my divorce, I was not alone during the holidays. And I made Natsu cookies and give them to my friends as Christmas gifts.
I don’t feel like I have to be mean or mad to get people attention. I feel the opposite, that if I take a lead and show people that there is a way to have fun in this world. I think more people would prefer to have a good time instead of being upset. So when I created comics, I want to make people laugh and have a good time. I want it to be something they will enjoy. I also feel like I would have a stronger connection with them if I could reach them thought their emotions. That is how it when I read Fairy Tail manga or when I watch Fairy Tail anime. I feel connected to the characters in the story and make me want more. I am now reading Hiro Mashima next manga Edens Zero. I have become loyal fan of his. I would like to have the same connections with my own fans of my comic series.
I can openly talk about my past now and hope that this could help someone else who maybe having a hard time. If this is too kind, than I never want to change. This world need more kindness not less.
Little Elf in big Pond of Drama, The Comic Industry USA 